Usually I'm good at hiding it-- putting on this "I'm so sure of myself; you couldn't
contain this (with a hint of Latifah) show, but sometimes I'm such a fearful child, kind of like Nina from Black Swan. There are those few moments when I really feel insecure and it shows. Like yesterday-- I smiled and answered in a stern tone, but I know they saw through everything. As I walked out of the interview, bombs of humility and regret dropped their anguish upon me. And it was just too heavy to lift--
Over 24 hours had passed and I'm now wrestling. In the process of brushing it off. Reflecting can be both positive and negative-- the instance of the latter has the tendency to string up all the "failed" moments, "humiliated" moments, etc and form it into one big "fail" over your forehead. Don't worry-- I'm not there yet, but my mind did flirt with the thought of it.
Better days. Better days. Better days..
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ReplyDeletebaby like i told you before, you are a crouching tiger which is about to jump up in the air like 'ain't no mountain high enough' status. you gotta believe yourself! i believe in you...
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